


I Loved You

by begora1030



Series: No Happy Endings [2]
Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Break Up, Crying, M/M, Pet Names, Post-Break Up, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rough Kissing, Swearing, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:48:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27076018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/begora1030/pseuds/begora1030
Summary: In the three years they had been together, Brian never expected this. There was no explanation, no excuse, just a fight and a statement.
Relationships: Kang Younghyun | Young K/Park Jaehyung | Jae
Series: No Happy Endings [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1514894
Kudos: 14
Collections: Day6 OTPs





	I Loved You

Jaehyung watched out the window as the bus drove. He watched the clouds as they grew darker the closer they moved towards the brewing storm. He watched the landscape as it turned from bright green to dull brown the farther they drove into the countryside. He watched the skyscrapers of the city diminish to dilapidated homes and then again dissipate into nothing but barren fields. 

Brian stirred him from his watching. He had grabbed Jae’s hand and intertwined their fingers. They still had a long drive to wherever they were going, to an airport and then a mysterious country only probably he could pronounce. Jae wanted to wrap his fingers around Brian’s but he quickly withdrew his hand. He took his left earbud out and gestures for Brian to speak. 

“Hyung, do you know where we're going?” He asked, but he already knew the answer. This was a test, a test to see if Jae was still upset with Brian. He was, Jae put his earbud back in and continued to look out the window, the image now blurry.

“He's still mad at you, I take it.” Wonpil snickered, causing a laugh from Dowoon and a huff from Brian. Sungjin was already asleep, their managers had suggested they rest. Dowoon cuddled into Wonpil, who reluctantly wrapped his arms around the maknae and allowed him to take his more puppy-like mannerism when he was sleepy. 

Brian was left alone as the maknaes soon fell asleep too. He wished Jaehyung wasn’t mad at him, he couldn't even remember the fight because it was weeks ago! That was obviously a lie, Brian could hear every ugly word he had thrown at Jae and he regretted the whole situation. The whole group had heard their argument-turned-screaming-match. Jae wasn't one to hold grudges but he hadn't even looked at Brian for the first three days after their screaming match. 

Jae had finally begun to actually listen to him just yesterday, but not long enough to hear an apology. Sungjin had told Brian to give Jae time and sleep in his room, making the maknaes happy. Jae just kept to himself the past two weeks, almost never in the dorm. He had written three different songs completely and the backbone of four others, he worked with Chris a lot and talked to the Got7 foreigners about their upcoming comeback. 

When he did return to the dorms, all he did was sleep. Wonpil and Dowoon already prepared to cuddle their eldest hyung on the biggest bed. Brian could hear Jae sob through the walls and it took him every ounce of strength to not burst into his room and comfort his best friend. But he could hear Wonpil softly sing to Jae and Dowoon’s soothing low voice telling Jae all about his day to distract and calm him. 

Brian looked over at Jae, his mask was crooked on his face, his hair was frizzy and in its natural waves, his eyes moved around under his eyelids. He felt the urge to hold him, to protect him against the world. Even though Jae was the older of them, Brian felt like he had a duty to uphold. He missed Jae, on the deepest level he just missed Jae’s acknowledgement of him. 

The van stopped; they had arrived at the airport and the managers were waking the other members. Brian stepped out of the car into the cold winter air. He walked to the back of the van and opened the trunk to grab his luggage. Much of the journey through security and the plane ride was silent for Brian. No one spoke to him unless it was to ask a question. 

Their manager ushered them into another vehicle and began to assign rooms and reorganise schedules. “Jae’s with YoungK, Sungjin with me, and Dowoon and Wonpil together. You’ll have the rest of the day to settle, nap, or explore. Be responsible,” he warned, “we have a busy day tomorrow getting ready for the first concert.” There were a few murmurs after their manager turned back to face the road. 

Brian caught Sungjin’s diplomatic “I can ask to change with you for the tour until you make up with him.” There was a heartbreaking _we’re not getting back together_. Brian gripped the loose fabric of his pants to keep his tears from falling down his cheeks. Dowoon, sat in the seat next to him but pressed against the window so they didn’t touch unnecessarily, noticed Brian struggling but left him alone. Brian thought Dowoon actually moved impossibly farther away. 

Brian shuffled through the lobby, into the elevator, and passed the swipe-in door to throw himself onto the large bed. Upon realisation - the one where there was only one bed - he felt the urge to yell and scream and throw a tantrum until their manager came into the room and rearranged the rooms. He just sighed and shoved his face into the pillow to let out an unsatisfying groan. 

He felt the bed dip beside him. Jae settled into the bed without Brian even noticing. He smelled like vanilla and cinnamon _(Brian’s body wash)_ , his hair was still wet and droplets had somehow fallen onto Brian’s hand like Jae was leaning over him. He reluctantly turned onto his back to see Jae’s red-rimmed eyes staring at his own. 

Jae let out a shuttered breath and Brian realised that the droplet wasn’t from the eldest’s hair; Jae was crying over him. “Younghyun,” Jae’s voice is just above a whimper. It’s serious, it’s remorseful, it’s uncertain. Jae rarely called him by his Korean name; even in their fight two weeks ago, Jae had screeched Brian over and over for hours. Brian took a shaky breath in before looking into Jae’s dripping eyes. 

“Don’t break up with me in a shitty hotel room at the beginning of a tour. Please, Jae- Jae,” Brian practically begged. He felt himself sink further into the bed, partially due to the arms being placed at his sides to hold Jae above him. Even as Jae closed in on his lips, Brian couldn’t help but think how bittersweet this kiss would be. 

It would be their last. 

Their first kiss had been a surprise for both of them. Brian was in the practice room making up riffs and melodies that would probably never leave the JYP building. It was nearing the curfew and Brian expected one of the managers to come collect him at any moment. He was pleasantly shocked to see Jae enter the room. “Told them we’d be here for another hour or so, we can chill. It’s been a while since we’ve had a proper jam session.” Jae took a seat close to Brian in the small soundproof room, the heat from his thigh radiated to Brian’s. 

They talked for a while about the ongoing EveryDay6 project and what promotions would feel like in a not-so-busy version after all this. “I’d appreciate having a social life again, hang out with friends, maybe go on some dates, sleep in past ten.” Brian absentmindedly nodded; he wasn’t fully paying attention to Jae and that was a mistake. 

A warm hand was placed under his chin, the thumb softly grazed over the five o’ clock shadow there, and it applied just enough pressure to make Brian look at Jae. Just as softly as the thumb stroking his face, lips were brushed against his. They were slightly chapped, but the warmth made up for it. “Jae,” Brian could only get out the older man’s name before their lips were on each other’s again. Four, five, six more chaste kisses before Brian set his guitar on a stand and pulled Jae into his lap. 

Their last kiss was anything but chaste. Jae was biting at Brian’s lower lip in desperation and hunger. It wasn’t a roughness unknown to him, but it was certainly unexpected. One particular nip had Brian gasping in pain. His hands pressed at Jae’s chest in an effort to push him off or at least stop the aggressive assault of his lips. “Stop.”

“Stop” He managed in between more biting, finally loud enough for Jae to hear him. “Oh God, sorry, Brian,” Jae stroked his jaw without placing more hungry kisses on Brian’s face. “I can’t do this anymore. I thought I’d feel that rush if-” Jae stopped himself. “I think we do need to break up. I’ll keep my distance so you can get over me. We’ll still be best friends, just with less sex and kissing.” And pet names, and cuddles, and everything else that couples do. 

There was no way Brian would get over Jae so easily, for the past three years Brian has planned a future with Jae - never once had the thought of breaking up with him crossed his mind until two weeks ago. But even then, he reminded himself that this was their first real fight and they’d get past it. Brian couldn’t be more wrong, _you were a fool for thinking that_ , Brian thought as Jae exited the hotel room. 

The tour kept him busy. There was time to dwell on Brian’s broken feelings in the middle of the night or when he was getting his hair and makeup done. The tour kept him busy but he was far from distracted. He went into autopilot during soundchecks and left his brain to ruminate. No one commented on the wrong notes coming from the bass, his mic and amp were only lowered and Dowoon played a tad louder to drown out his ever-growing mistakes. 

Months passed and Kang Younghyun was still hopelessly in love with Park Jaehyung. “We’ve noticed how all your drafts have turned into mopey, heartbreak songs. What shitty dramas have you been watching for inspiration?” The producers were criticizing and deciding which drafts they would turn into demos and then tracks. 

“Maybe it’s time to have a more mature album. There hasn’t been this kind of music from them since I Need Somebody.” Brian cringed, the memories behind that past track stirring something in him. “This one,” a member of the team sifted through the pile of messy songs until she found the one she wanted, _Zombie_ , “this is title track worthy. The lyrics are great, YoungK, Wonpil. And the composition is simple but fits well with the mood of the song, Jae, you really captured the theme on this one. Good job, guys.” 

One promotionless, but successful, comeback later and the company was discussing a solo debut or a subunit debut. Brian had prayed in the dead of night for a week, _don’t put me with him_. It was a different mantra and Brian laughed at the thought of some higher power sighing in relief. “Jae, you’re allowed to put your solo things on Youtube and promote yourself through your social media. We just can’t afford a solo debut when we can’t guarantee positive feedback.”

Jae had only nodded and Brian hung his head in solace, he wouldn’t have to act like he wasn’t in pain while standing on a stage for a change. The team members turned their attention to the other players. “The maknae line is going to be a group, Brian you’ll have to brush up on your guitar skills.” Brian had never considered himself a part of the maknae line, but he happily handed over more and more drafts for another album. 

Brian found himself feeling better and better each day. The less he saw Jae, the more normal he felt - normal as in three years ago before he got swept up in his feelings. Before he let some asshole from Los Angeles break down the walls of Brian Kang and YoungK. Before he put his love life in front of his career. As long as he put his problems into his songs, he would get through this. 

“You’re songs are getting that happier vibe back, finally found a girl, YoungK?” He shrugged and gave the sound booth technician a small smile. He just wanted to get the recording done so he could go back to bed. He did four more repetitions before he was given the all-clear and a half-assed compliment. 

He announced his arrival home, this time he was met with a response, “We’re in the living room, honey!” Brian slipped off his tennis shoes and into comfortable slippers. There was still warm _tteokbokki_ and _mandu_ and _ramen_ : comfort food. Dowoon must have had a bad vocal lesson or Wonpil was being bullied online again or Sungjin was stressed with upcoming schedules or Jae got into another Internet fight. He put on a brave face to provide sympathies and cuddles. 

He rounded the corner after eating to find three of his members in the living room. “Come join us, _hyung_.” Wonpil giggled out, he placed the space in the middle of the couch. He relented. “How was everyone’s day?” The general consensus was ‘good’. Dowoon cuddled into Brian’s side as the next movie began. 

“Is this okay?” He tentatively asked, his head was already snug in the dip of Brian’s collarbone so he just gave a thumbs up and grabbed one of Dowoon’s hands. It took another two movies for Brian to realise that they were cheering him up (and that Jae wasn’t going to come home). The thought alone counted for something, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to appreciate it until a few months later. 

“I’m leaving the group.” 

“I can’t do this anymore.”

“I’m sorry to do this to all of you.”

Brian couldn’t understand. He didn’t want to accept Jae’s excuses or apologies. He hated the idea of Jae leaving the company and taking a break from music. He’d give up anything for Jae to continue being an idol and writing music and having a platform for all of the talented art that came out of his creative mind. 

They were moving at the same time as Jae was, no need to be in a five room apartment when there were only four members. Four, Brian thought helplessly. He was packing the last of the sweaters into his suitcase when there was a knock at the door. He looked up to see Jae shuffling into his room. 

“Hi, sweetheart.” The term of endearment made Brian’s heart flutter. “Are you almost done packing? I wanted to talk before we finally parted ways.” The words sounded reluctant leaving Jae’s mouth. 

“I don’t want you to leave. You shouldn’t have to ruin your life, Jae. We’ll take another break. They’ll send you back to the States and you can get mental health. I’ll take on all your expectations, even the podcast. Please, stay.” Brian blurted.  
Jae had taken unsettled steps towards him as he spoke. A warm hand grabbed his cold one. “Honey. Oh, Hyunnie,” a palm settled on his side and cheek. Brian couldn’t stop himself from leaning into the touch. There were tears streaming down his face already. “We have to stop talking like this.”

The palm moved slightly so that a thumb could swipe just under his cheekbone. Brian knew he was crying - he knew he wouldn’t stop anytime soon so Jae’s efforts were useless. “Hyunnie. I have to leave so you can stay. This is your dream, I can’t let you ruin that. I’m gonna go home, my friend offered to take me on as an editor for their Youtube channel and I’ll continue to write songs. I can adapt. We both know you’ll be miserable if you had to start again, love.” 

Jae’s thumb continued to stroke his cheek. The hand at his side was gripping the sweatshirt fabric tightly. Brian closed his eyes and exhaled before he asked the question that he’s asked in so many songs. “What about us? _Hyung_ ,” he begged, “don’t leave _me_.”

“My sunshine, there hasn’t been an _‘us’_ for the past six months.”

“Then you don’t get to come in here, calling me these names, acting like you love me, Jaehyung. You can’t keep doing this to me. Just when I think I’m getting better, that I’ll make it out of this in one piece, that I won’t destroy myself, you come swooping in like a wave and tear down my flimy, reconstructed walls. 

“You know this hurts me, Jaehyung. Just leave to fucking Los Angeles, you _asshole_! Just leave me alone. You shouldn’t have come in here and muddled with my _fucking_ feelings again! You’re ruining my life, you little shit!” 

Brian shoved Jae away from him and backed himself into a corner of his room. He watched, through a blurry filter, as the love of his life (former love of his life) walked out of his life. Brian sank to the floor, he hoped that would be the last time he’d get his heart broken by Park Jaehyung. He never wanted to see that face again.


End file.
